My weekend wine down

It’s been one hell of a month and no, I haven’t forgotten about my blog at all. I’ve been through a lot and I’ve really just had no time to sit down and neck on with this. In saying that, I’ll give you the run down and then fill you in on my piece of mind regarding some certain current affairs of today!

I’ve finished my first semester of Honors Criminology. It’s been incredibly intense! The semester had it’s ups and downs (more down, than up) but i’ve managed to take the positives with the negatives and make something great out of the two! I’m excited to see what life has in its cards from here on. One more semester then I take on a whole new adventure in Korea! I feel as though my life could be pretty-swell planned. I’m hoping for the best and preparing for the worst! Keeping all thoughts positive and praying daily.

This weekend I’m away with my boss focusing on marketing – the true nitty-gritty of business. We’re currently in the process of getting our business off the ground and running! I’m so incredibly happy of our progress and how far we’ve come! Slowly starting to see business take shape. For those who didn’t know, I co-own a company called My Sister’s Whispers. We can be found online so look out for us! This business means a lot to me. Other than this, things are great. Business is great and we’re pushing through the struggles as all newly established business do!

Life has it’s lemons. No doubt in that. I’ve gone from being the shy and quiet girl to confidently confronting my trials and tribulations head-on. I’m trying. That’s practically all I can say. I’m trying. I miss Melbourne and how independently free I was. Business is great here in Auckland, but life was overwhelmingly… Peaceful back home. I’m not entirely sure where this journey will lead me, or who with – for that matter. I do know, that for the most part, I will be at peace. With my thoughts and with myself.

Keep you in the loop! With love,

Payt

Thought you had it sussed, huh?

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I’ve had this draft saved in my folder for eons! I hadn’t found a perfect time to release this.  Since I’m heading towards the end of my undergraduate degree, I figured this would be rather appropriate. Especially since media has recently bombarded society with documentations of students who have faked their graduations. I don’t exactly care to judge them. Let’s be honest, faking your degree is not the worst thing you could do to your family/pairs. I’m not taking sides either. What those girls (Yes, not ladies – but, girls) did was absolutely and hilariously ridiculous. Their entire tertiary education was ridiculously a waste of time and tax payers money. To have even planned it and to ACTUALLY walk and pretend you were graduating was even more ridiculous.
But do you know what else is amazingly & ridiculously hilarious?
People who have their entire life planned.
No, I’m not kidding. They may have done it but it’s literally the least of society’s issues.

It’s pretty hilarious. We live in this society where people are so accustomed to planning their lives out to the T. They’ve planned every little detail about their life before it’s even happened with such confidence it’s amazing. When they’ll graduate, who they’ll marry, the number of children they’ll have, their career and perhaps even the colour of their new home sweet home! The only problem is, these things never really happen.
It’s human nature to plan, it’s also human nature for it to not happen. I don’t plan to graduate and though I know it will happen, if in any circumstances it doesn’t,  I don’t “plan” to fake it either. Shit, if it happens? Good on me! If it doesn’t?  The only plan I’ll be making is to be better. Do better. Graduate the next chance I get.
You meet people in school who tell you their entire life plans A, B and C. A year later they’ve become a mother/father to a baby years before they “planned” to & long before planning to get married or graduating. So much for a plan huh?
The problem is, you think you have time. I’m not sure who said those words exactly, and quite frankly I don’t care. The point is, if you’ve planned your life out to the T, you’ve wasted good time & you’re still most likely wasting it now.
I’m venting solely because I’m at  crossroads with my life. Months away from completing my degree & contemplating my next career move; it all just got real. (Well, not really. It’s been real since I decided to move to Melbourne). Thought I had it all figured out. Truth is, I don’t. I only like to think I do in case It doesn’t all go to plan and it turns into custard instead.

I don’t have a “thing” against dreamers. But planning isn’t dreaming.  Dreaming is dreaming. Think it’s so incredibly fundamental you don’t forget that. Know the difference.

Payt
P.s, I have have a tendency to not apologize for telling the truth so please don’t expect it.

Winter blues?

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Yes, it just so happens, I’m still very alive and well. To my surprise I have been keeping busy and extremely warm! Last time I blogged would have been when things on my end were well and truly starting to get busy. So here’s a quick re-cap of my open book of a lifestyle.

My last semester at University draws to an end with my last two finals to come. I have been spending much of my time studying and training (perhaps, more time training than studying, argh!). I am nervously approaching the work force again, filling my laptop folders with job specific resumes and cover letters. Btw? Why must New Zealand be so incompatibly hard to find work experience? It’s almost as if employers nowadays are dying for experienced employees without actually offering the ‘experience’ to them. Just a thought. Oh! Guess what? A part of my journalistic dream came true this year! I have been invited into the Bachelors of Honours (BA Hons) Programme which commences next year. Quite unsure of where and what it is I’ll do yet – I’ve never really planned my life out to the T and quite frankly, don’t plan too. Apart from my unsociable and lonely life so far, I have discovered that I have an unforgiven addiction to Game of Thrones and Xmen – which I have been watching for hours on ends. 

Winter has finally approached and I am feeling rather excited. There are exactly 11 days to go before my days of being a College student are officially over and from that point on, exactly 106 days till I graduate (September 30th). I can’t exactly say things are looking up when New Zealand’s employment economy is looking rather gloomy for potential graduates like myself. I still persist to dream bigger and work even harder to get there.

So as I suspend my day and turn in for some chocolate, salt and vinegar chips and blogging – expect to see and read some rather hilariously truthful posts!

Adios mi amigo

Payt

These Moments

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Before you get reading this pointless piece on my mind, I highly recommend you search “These Moments – Antoine Dufour”. Download it. This won’t be the last time you hear it. Listen to it as you read this. Then of course, thank me later.

Letting go. It never meant ‘to forget’. It meant moving forward; refusing to hurt; refusing to wait in vain; to pretend. It’s growing. It’s no longer finding peace of mind; It was always there. Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s rightfully giving in. It’s no longer thinking about winning or losing the fight, it’s knowing that you were always better than to start fighting in the first place. It’s like being the bigger person. We’re humans. We were never suppose look back so much that it keeps us from moving forward. It’s almost as if we’re refusing to live.
I was told, that people who spend their lives chasing happiness like it’s some kinda destination – will never arrive.
Happiness lies behind a door not too far from our conscience. Not too far from our occupied minds. The bad news? There is no real key to happiness. The good news? Well… The door was never locked.
These moments, like the one you’re sharing with this article, are best shared alone. Nothing wrong with letting your mind wonder. I just think it’s time to let go of the past. You no longer live there. If you think you do?  Then leave people of the future alone.  Embrace change; embrace the presence, at least while you have it.

I hope finding closure of your past was worth everything you risked losing in the future. If someone wanted to stay in your life; if it were meant to be – they’d be there & It would be.

Payt ♡

You do not need…

You do not need to chase what is heaven sent.

Dear ladies,

I’m no professional when it comes to relationships. I like to think I give some seriously kick-ass advice but as far as keeping a guy goes? I don’t seem to have the best luck with that. Sometimes I think I fall too hard or perhaps a little too easily.Don’t get me wrong! I don’t just fall for any Tom, Dick or Harry that passes my way. Crazy as it seems, I visualize where ‘our’ relationship would go long before we’re even official. If I can’t see you getting along well with my friends or family during our crazy functions, I won’t see you at all – period. Some guys would probably read this like ‘wtf that’s absurd!’ where most girls would read this rather lightly because we’ve all done it before surely!

Long story short, when I’m in it, I’m in for the long run. Are you?

Before any of this ‘visualizing’ takes place, there’s a chase. If not a chase, then some kind of hopelessly romantic miracle. How else did you find your significant other? Fate? Look, my point is – everyone gets to the point in their love lives (existent or not) where chasing becomes exhausting. It’s tiring, immature and quite frankly, if you’ve been hurt before – you shouldn’t be chasing at all. Give that heart a break for goodness sake. (Haha! No rhyme intended). I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person. Breathe a little; your existence does not depend on the temporary presence of another.

My relationship with Jesus is personal. In other words, I don’t find comfort in glamourizing my religious beliefs online. On another more open note – you do not need to chase what is heaven sent. 

Not saying it’s better to sit and wait for the right guy to come along, girls who do this are… Well, wasting their time. Women do not wait. Women are not even chasing. Real women set their priorities straight & in terms of relationships? They love themselves first & so they should because they’re the stable lovers! They do what all girls should do – focus on knowing themselves. Get to know who you are – Find yourself before finding someone to share your undecided self with. How you might say? I can’t tell you. You have to figure that out for yourself. Here’s a personal tip though, are you ready?

Breathe & be.
Do you know who you are? What you like & love? Have you changed? Was it for the better? Good God, do you even like who you are anymore?
Here’s a couple of things I do that gets the ball rolling: (other than picking up a new hobbie or what not)
1. Spend time alone. Relationships are two way streets. There’s no point being in one if you can’t afford to reciprocate what feelings are given. This is a chance to see your life from your own eyes! Take it as a gift.

2. Take a hike, Mike! Doing something so simple like walking or running alone really opens your mindset. It let’s your conscious breathe independently and your mind move silently. This has to be the best way to come back down to earth ♡

3. Travel. Do it, do it now & do it often.
I’m always on the go. Maybe not so much anymore seeing as I have my heart set on my Mr Right, but I’ve been there. Do it! See new places. Meet new people. Do you know what the best thing about this is? It doesn’t matter where you go! Get out of the house. Take a road trip. Take the train 2 hours away from your closest train station. Who lives sees but who travels, sees more. There’s no doubt in that.

4. Focus. Whether you’re working on buying your first home alone, getting that degree or losing weight? Focus. Focus on your priorities. Focus on your career. Put yourself first for a bit! Treat yourself here and there. Focused women are headstrong women. Headstrong women are passionate lovers & are even more of that stable companion every man needs.

Focus on yourself before you start focusing on potentials. When you are ready, he might already be there? (Jokes. This isn’t a movie, but you know what I mean) When you find yourself, you find so much more. You find just how awesome you are to have had your heart broken before and now you’re smiling! (Probably laughing at how stupid you were for dating a little shit like your ex) You never know!

The point is, don’t chase what does not want to be pursued. ‘Doooon’t do ettt!” If he’s not reciprocating whilst you my love, are chasing? He’s either playing hard to get (highly unlikely especially if he’s mature enough to know better), doesn’t even like you (most likely) or likes other men? (it’s possible. My dad always says, if a boy doesn’t like his princess, aka me, he’s gay). So… Seems legit?

That’s sarcasm, as you can tell. If you feel like he’s not fully in it, then sweetheart – he most probably isn’t. Believe it or not… The men worth listening to, are the men who aren’t afraid to hurt you by saying “I don’t see you the way you see me.” So stand up, shake their hand & walk away. If you’re in a relationship and feel like you’re still having to chase him to shoo other girls away? He’s still not in it. He’s supposed to end this chasing nonsense& he does that by making you feel loved ♡.

Quit the chasing ladies. You may want him but you sure as hell do not need him.

P.s, if you feel like you have to post every damn single milestone of your relationship on social networking sites such as Facebook, to show you’re an “actual” item & he has nothing on his page of you because he hasn’t approved all the proud tags you’ve made? He’s already told me & everybody else 1 simple truth. He’s not in it.

Don’t give me 10 excuses to defend him honey. Just take it in ;-) Quit. The. Chase.

Payt

Journey

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As rough as the wind blows, there will always be something spectacular about the way it feels when it brushes against your skin.

As rough as any journey is, there will always be something so absolutely beautiful about it which makes it worth fighting for.

No journey is ever the same. No journey exists without hardship. Every journey is worth making & is consistently challenged with risk taking.

Love?

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Midnight. I can’t sleep.

I wish someone warned me about love. I wish they warned me of all the emotions that came with it. The hurt, the confusion, the pain and joy. I wish I knew. Perhaps maybe then I wouldn’t have to feel so much. Hopefully by the end of this post, i’d regret what I just said because love is truly beautiful. No matter how ugly I look when I cry, haha. 

For those who haven’t been in love or, ‘been there’ … This is a true account. A true telling of what love truly feels like because, let’s face it… For those who have been there, there is no movie, no novel or song that could truly epitomize ‘love’. Love is much like a sentence better left unsaid, but only left unsaid because there are no real words that could describe how it feels. In movies, you only ever see what happens AFTER the climax; after the argument, after the temporary break-up, and you know what? Everything you seen happen? Tends to be all “happy dandy”. Get real, it’s far from reality. Where the couple slowly walk hand in hand into the sunset or the streets of the city… It’s only a mere fantasy. Months, weeks or maybe even days after – they’re right back at it with little petty arguments and sleepless nights and it becomes constant. Nothing wrong with that.

But i’ll tell you what. Love isn’t just walking into that sunset & apologizing. It’s not exactly walking through the city with two flat whites talking about your day either. It’s the arguing, the pestering, the crying and every other little unwanted ‘argument’ that happens. Love is the mutual silence couples endure in the car after what seemed like hours of arguing over people you’ve dated in the past.It’s the regret you feel after such a pointless disagreement which led you to say things you know you never meant. Love is that one point in a argument where you feel exhausted; too exhausted to keep bickering. It’s also the point where you miss them despite the fact that they’re standing right in front you.

 

You know you’re in love when, you hesitate to answer the question “Why me?” when your boyfriend/girlfriend asks. Perhaps because every single attempt you make to answer this question, the answer sounds immensely cliche (or as I say, cheesy).

You know you’re in love when, you refuse to fall asleep without solving an argument. Though sometimes, you do fall asleep – you wake up feeling even more worst than the night before. 

You know you’re in love when it hurts. If you have not been hurt, then you have not yet loved my friend! Love hurts.Need I say more? You could be completely over the moon for someone and yet hurt. Not just an inkling tickle to the heart. Hurt? As in, the kind of hurt where you feel as if your heart has been wounded. Have you ever stared at someone you love, and have this hurt burning in your heart? I have. I still do. I stare at him almost every single day with this feeling. Mainly because I feel as though he doesn’t know just how much I love him; and really… There are no words which could suffice how I truly feel. It use to be because I was afraid of losing him. He’s truly amazing I assumed someone would steal him from me. Except I grew out of this phase. Nobody should ever love in fear of losing another. It’s silly. 

For those who are still thinking about being hurt and in love? Let’s not deny it. You can love and feel hurt. Love needs pain just as much as the sunshine needs the rain. No wonder why it scares people! Some say love fades. “It doesn’t last.” Well… You just don’t know until you try, or maybe, you don’t know because.. You haven’t been there. People become so immune to love nowadays they settle for less. Settle for someone who makes you feel like you could love them forever. Seriously. They’re the ones who we should be tying the knot with. They’re also the ones that are hard to find.Nobody said it’d be easy, but it is sure as hell worth it.

Once you find that person, do yourself a favor, stay open minded.

Stay positive. Reciprocate what love you receive. 

Follow your heart and don’t forget to take your brain with you. 

Payt